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Boundaries: My Pathway To Self-Respect & Resiliency



It was not until I had my son Anthony, nearly 12 years ago, that I became aware of how much I needed boundaries to protect my time and ability to be my best self. I realized that my time and energy are valuable and if I say yes to someone else or agree to take on another project, I have to say no to a priority in my life. When that starts to happen, I begin to feel bitter and resentful. 

I think of boundaries as bodyguards for my time and mental bandwidth. A boundary can be a limit, a rule, or a line we set for ourselves within relationships. A boundary is what is ok and what is not ok.  It is respecting yourself to know your limits. Setting boundaries that work for you is a pathway to self-respect and valuing yourself. 

Many people find setting boundaries difficult because they fear it may cause conflict or may upset someone. This type of conflict can present problems for many of us who are socialized from a young age to create harmony and avoid conflict at all costs. Otherwise known as “people pleasers”. There is nothing wrong with caring for others however I challenge you to prioritize yourself first and find a balance in your priorities to be your best self. 

 Without boundaries, your time is open for all to dictate what you should do or not do. If you don't defend your boundaries it can lead to frustration, resentment, and bitterness. If you are not clear about your boundaries, you are teaching others how to treat you.  

As Brene Brown says, “Daring to set boundaries is about having the courage to love ourselves, even when we risk disappointing others.” 

When you stand up for your boundaries, you are choosing discomfort over resentment.

There are many types of boundaries time, physical, mental, conversational, intellectual, monetary, and many more. Here are a few signs that you need to strengthen boundaries or set new boundaries in your life: You feel overwhelmed. You feel resentment toward people for asking for your help. You avoid interactions with people you think might ask for something. You feel burned out. You frequently daydream about dropping everything and disappearing. You have no time for yourself.

If this is you- I challenge you to reflect and consider areas that need protection to maximize time and energy. Remember to set boundaries not to offend others but to respect yourself and be your best self.

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